Bush's 12 Steps: Oil Addiction Edition

I know that this must have been done already, but here is my essay of the painfully easy joke.

Upon realizing our addiction to oil, and looking to improve our nation's energy policy:

1. We admitted we were powerless over our addiction to foreign sources of oil and that our energy demands have become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that an energy source other than oil can restore us to independence from foreign sources of oil.

3. Made a decision to turn our future energy needs to the care of oil alternatives as we understand them.

4. Made a searching and fearless national inventory of oil usage.

5. Admitted to alternative energy researchers, to ourselves and OPEC the exact nature of our energy consumption.

6. Were entirely ready to have oil alternatives replace all these energy needs.

7. Humbly asked oil alternatives to remove our dependence on foreign sources of oil.

8. Made a list of all nations we have invaded, bullied, or coddled in our quest for a secure supply of oil, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such nations wherever possible, except when to do so would cause civil war.

10. Continued to take energy consumption inventory and when we were only pretending to seek energy alternatives promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through education and research to improve our conscious goal of achieving energy independence as we understood energy independence, researching only for knowledge of energy independence's feasibility and the technology to carry that out.

12. Having had a technological and environmental renaissance as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other oil dependant nations and to practice these principles in all our affairs.